What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
