Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
