Define "chronic" masturbator.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
