we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
