literally had 100 drinks last night.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
