This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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