I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I don't think brook has ever known best
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
