fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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