Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
