don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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