I skipped work to stalk him.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
