His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
