just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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