I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
