You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
