i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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