I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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