i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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