but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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