I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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