Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
