I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
