our cab driver is having phone sex.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
