Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
