i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
