I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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