I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
