i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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