Just fell off a train. Bad.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
