i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
