Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
