we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
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