she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
