a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
