Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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