there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
