She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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