He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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