woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
