Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
