PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
