Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
