3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
