Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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