Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
