you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Pooping to opera.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
