God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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