woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
