Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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