wanna go halves on a baby?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize