when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
