yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
