I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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