Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
