I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
