i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
