peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
