Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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