as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize