i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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