How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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