So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
