kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize