sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
