when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
