you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
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He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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