You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Randomize
