we have officially lost it.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
