he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
