Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
