worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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