Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
