just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
